He lived in his trailer alongside
the Kankakee River. Friends, bikers mostly, had units nearby and that
was good because, since Janette had left him, things had gotten pretty
bad, drinking-wise, especially. He felt too burnt to look at the women
he'd meet. Big Fritz, who had the trailer next to him, tried to fix
him up. He went out a couple of times but Fritz and them wanted to get
high and party. Let's get naked and do it. Red was ashamed to admit
it but he didn't like that kind of stuff. He was more old-fashioned.
His wife, Janette, had run
off with some guy, a shoe salesman, from Bourbonnais two years ago.
Now he was glad she was gone. Back then, it was misery. One night a
few weeks before she left, he had heard her voice outside the trailer
and saw her making out with this guy right outside the front door. He
had stood there, in a cold sweat, the barrel of his gun not two inches
away from their heads. Plywood kept me out of prison, he said later.
He went back to bed. Even let her crawl in with him, stinking of sloe
gin and still horny. He never said a word to her. Pretended it wasn't
real for a while. Now he couldn't believe he'd put up with it all.
He should have seen the signs.
Just that horrible doll she propped on the pillows of the bed was clue
enough. He won a prize for her at the shooting gallery at the Waukesha
carnival when they went up to Milwaukee to see his folks. She picked
out this big doll in a fancy dress that had the face of the biggest
bitch, with slanted, black eyes and a mouth turned downward, mean, real
mean. Funny how the doll spooked him so bad, him being a soldier and
all. But it did.
Janette was a manicurist, said
she could make her living anywhere, not like him, stuck near the tool
and die factory, where he ruined what was left of his hands. She always
let him know they were ugly and dirty. Her nails were long and painted
as bright red as glossy apples. They turned under on the ends and sometimes
she'd glue diamond things and moons and stars on them. She'd always
try to do all his niece's nails when there was a family dinner or get-together.
That's the only time she was nice to him, in front of his family. She'd
try to pose kissing him in all the pictures, like the perfect wife.
He was ready now to give it up, all the anger and hate. It wasn't like it got him anywhere. If he had his druthers, he'd find an honest lady, with kids or without, whom he could talk with, a friend. Looks don't count much no more. Listen to me, he thought as he closed the fridge. Standing there, blushing, he added one more wish. Hope she likes to fish. |