Open
road, no plans. I can stop right here and commune with the buffalo by
moonlight. Yesterday she had seen hundreds of them. They were a total
trip. There was this one big male buffalo that had the hugest head she
had ever seen. He glared right at her, not at all the other tourists
around, but right straight at her. And mooed or whatever they do. It
was the spirit of some angry Dad trapped inside that thing, who didn't
like what she was up to, a tall. She had taunted him on purpose, yelling"
Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it, dick brain?" out the window.
She didn't dare get out of the car because she knew he'd ram her, stomping
her into mush on the pavement. It'd been an hour now since she'd seen
another car. High up in The Little Big Horns, she passed a sign that
said Crazy Woman Canyon Road. The flash splattered bright fake light
over the dark hills that for a fraction of time blazed red. She wondered
how many others had backed up to take a picture. She wished the Crazy
Woman herself would step forward to join her.
Three
days ago she had left Chicago. Mornings since then she'd wake up loose
and easy, until she'd remember that ma was gone. There was no predicting
what she would feel like next. Sometimes she'd be high, relieved that
the dying was over, that an enormous weight had been lifted from her
chest and she could breathe. Other times she sobbed hysterically, crying
out "mama, mama," bleating like an abandoned calf until her
throat was raw. She played back their last minutes together over and
over, her mother no longer able to speak. It didn't matter because Wanda
knew exactly what she wanted. She told her, so that her mom stopped
trying, impossibly, to get the words out. She assured her that before
anybody would take her away, Wanda would bathe her and clean up the
mess in bed. No one will see you before you are smelling sweet as a
rose, honey, I promise. Not to worry, ma. Her mom pointed toward the
ceiling, circling her long arm, like her mother's mother had done, she
remembered, to signal the end.
Then
Wanda had washed her mother's body carefully, cleaning her, combing
her hair and kissing her hands as they slowly got colder. As she cleaned
her sex, she was aware that this is what her ma had done for her as
a little girl child and they had come full circle.
Then Wanda bathed herself and discovered that she had gotten
her period. How right.
She started the car. Off to the left her eye caught
a quick movement. Startled, a large doe and tiny spotted fawn crossed
blindly before her headlights. Wanda watched until they were safe in
her canyon, in the shelter of the Crazy Woman's place below, then waved
good-bye.
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